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Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

“Belief” in and of itself is an intangible, unquantifiable thing that seems to be sold on every street corner with the same popularity as crack cocaine and iPhones. As one of my favorite comedians, Bill Maher said in reference to belief in religion, “I just can’t sign up to believe in a product that doesn’t exist. It’s like selling bottled thin air.  It’s too easy. I have to question it.” As funny as Maher is there is something that drives the empires of Tony Robbins, The Secret and most noted, Jesus.  I think it’s the pesky hope of humanity. Hope that if we can just figure out the right team to play on we just might win the game of life. Now if only believing was as easy as playing.

I wondered, if these ‘pseudo products’ of belief are New York Times best sellers why isn’t the world a more peaceful place free of addictions and loss? It’s my personal conspiracy theory that there isn’t any problem with the merchandise that’s being sold (as invisible as it might be) I would guess that the problem is more so due to ‘User Error.”

Being someone who was raised with religion and faith, I couldn’t understand why I had such a hard time taking Step 2 and believing that God would heal me from my addiction. I was familiar with God, stories of God, hell I even ate “God” on Easter in the form of a cross shaped cake. The problem I discovered was that though I had a great deal of book knowledge and even experience under my belt my belief in God was quite tainted. The God I knew was disappointed in me. The God I knew judged me, shamed me and wanted nothing to do with me until I stopped doing the behaviors that went along with my addiction. I don’t think this is the God that I studied, but it was my own interpretation, my own negative “addict brain” that translated the words of God into words of shame.

Thankfully, I had a sponsor who helped me to, “Find a God of my own understanding.” A God who would support me in recovery and heal me fro my addiction. My sponsor had me create a “Want Ad for God” I was to go look for God. I asked others about their God’s and got a different answer from each and every person. Some people referred to their God as “he” others as “she” and some people called their God a “Higher Power”. The visual aspects of God ranged from a mermaid, rocks to Jesus Christ.  The only similarity I found in the colorful answers were the characteristics of God. God was always kind, loving, supportive, strong, a warrior, good, just and a lot of times funny.

Before you take Step 2 of the 12 Steps I suggest you spend sometime journaling who exactly your God is. Who your God was in the past and who your God will be in the future. The gender, characteristics and sense of humor of your God would be helpful too.

God will be your forever side kick in recovery. Never leaving you, always being there in all situations; good and bad.  If you’re like me you might think of this as having some ridiculous imaginary friend. I know, how it sounds. You just have to trust me and go with it. The truth is, you have to know God in order to recognize the voice of the God that wants to restore you to sanity and help you gain recovery in your life. The God I know today is a completely different God than when I started recovery. Thanks to taking Step 2 I was given the opportunity to change my God and most importantly, myself.